Here a some common machinist terms explained (Fun)

• Machine - A mechanical device for the removal of redundant parts of the operator's anatomy. It is fitted with various lethal weapons, known as tools.
• Machinist - A person suffering from the delusion that they control the above machine. Chiefly employed in exhibiting grossly inflated wage packets to non-engineering friends.
• Tool Setter - An interesting animal kept by the management and trained to replace broken tools, etc. Is very docile when deprived of sleep.
• Q.A. Inspector - A survivor of the Spanish Inquisition. His chief function is to weaken the machinist's nerve, thus rendering him easy prey to the machine. This is done by informing him that certain dimensions are oversize and, after adjustment, are then undersize by the same amount.
• Estimator - An illiterate whose mental processes cannot assimilate the fact that there are only 60 minutes in an hour.
• Tool-grinder - Someone who can grind a cutting edge on a tool and leave it in exactly the same state as before.
• Reamer - A device for producing various patterns on a bore surface.
• Tap - like a reamer but much more brittle
• Test Gauge - An instrument made of metal which has the peculiar property of momentary expansion or contraction
• Chargehand - Strict caution to be taken with this individual. From his frequent inquiries as to the number of hours you have worked, it must be assumed he is connected to the Income Tax authorities
• Laborer - This specimen has no ambition, does nothing all day and stays on overtime to finish it. Always missing when wanted. Very obliging a week before Christmas.
• Foreman - Very rarely seen except when you pick up a newspaper or fill in your football coupon
• Wagepacket - delayed action bombshell
• Bonus - Latin name for carrot
• Scrap - See Swarf
• Swarf - Chief product of engineering
• Component - By-product of the manufacture of the above
• Finish - An abstract term used by the Q.A. Inspector and something that is never good enough
• Bolt - A cylindrical piece of metal with a helical screw on the outside that is either under or oversize
• Nut - Something that never fits the above
• Location diameter - A size that is never right and is always produced by another department
• Faulty set-up - An accomplishment always achieved by the opposite shift
• Model - A standard of excellence produced accidentally
• Coolant pump - A device so designed as to deluge the machinist with oil or water when he is not looking

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.